Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday, Dear Elena,
Happy Birthday to you.

I will only sing with the typewriter, not with my voice

London Calling


My Aunt Maria is going to London for a week, and has invited me to join. As it is the week of my birthday my parents are paying my airticket, so I only need to bother about the accomodation, food, and spending money to get some nice clothes and toys for my baby. Malta is quite a small market, so we don't get a lot of the brands one finds in the UK.

Also my friend Carlos, half Spanish half Puerto Rica has a month of holidays so he is going to join me there for the week. Our frienship goes back many year, so it is going to be funny fighting over politics and playing practical jokes.

I just sooooo love my family, they are really great, and they are giving me so much support now that I need them, even though I hurt them a lot when I chose Islam over what they had given me. They didn't turn their backs on me, but accepted our differences and are being a rock of strength for me.
I can't wait to be in the UK. Normally, London is definately not my favourite city, but I know I'm going to enjoy it a lot this time.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Messy Monster

And that's just the beginning

Wednesday, October 18, 2006


So I sat down to a bowl of soup, my baby next to me in her chair.

As I raised aspoon to my lips, I hear her 'togroz' Aha! Aha! Aha! She was saying.
I take a small plastic spoon, and offer her some. She opens her mouth wide and tastes the vegetable soup with gusto. She does the 'Aha!' sund again. And I give her more.

The following morning I phone the pediatrician.

He recommend I give her baby rice cereal for the next moth before I try to give her vegetable purees.

I'm really looking forward to making baby purees with vegetables and fruits mashed into a pulp into baby milk.
Later on will be adding fish and chicken, but that comes much later.

Right now I'm concentrating on a few spoonfuls of baby rice every morning. She relishes her breakfast - and hey! it smells nice enough to tempt even me!

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Goodbye My Lover

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.

Ali, please respect me enough to say Good Bye. When the going got too tough, you left. Now let me get on with my life, allow me to heal. I love you too much to let you go, but it is better than we continue hurting each other. Please say good bye and let me go; and one day we will look upon our days together and remember them as the happiness of when we were very young.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Por Tangos

Y venga a navegar conmigo
Por que sin tu amor me siento
Como un barco
al mar perdido

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Another Tag from Ayalguita

What is your middle name? Raquela
How big is your bed?King Size! I hate it so big for just me
What are you listening to right now? Edith Piaf
What are the last 4 digits in your cellphone number? 1606 - my daughter's birthdate - 16th June
What was the last thing you ate? I only had coffee
Last person you hugged? my daughter
How is the weather right now? depressingly grey
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? my soon to be ex husband
The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Eyes,smile
Favorite type of Food? I hate liver but I'm craving it now - its Ali's favourite dish
Do you want children? Yes! I already have a daughter, but dream of more!!!
Hair color? Right now red!.
Do you wear contacts? Used to but don't cause I have acute astigmatism
Favorite holiday? Eid ul Fitr
Favorite Season? Winter - perfect time for going to bed early, watch a DVD with someone you love
Have you ever cried over a love lost? Yes, very recently...
Last Movie you watched? at the cinema it was Zorro Returns, at home I don't know the name but it was very funny
What books are you reading? Cry the Beloved Country
Piercings? in my hears
Favorite Movie? Godfather
Favorite college football team? None
What were you doing before filling this out? Reading Juwaira's Boudoir
Favorite animal? Kittens
Favorite drink? Pascual Tropical Juice
Favorite flower? Carnations
Have you ever loved someone? Yes, always the wrong people for different reasons
Who would you like to see right now? My husband, I would hug him and hate him
What color are your bedroom walls? white
Have you ever fired a gun? no
Do you like to travel by plane? absolutely
Right-handed or Left-handed? left
If you could go to any place right now where would you go? Makkah for Umrah
Are you missing someone? yes
Do you have a tattoo? I had my hands hennaed for my Libyan wedding
Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings? they're on every evening here!!!!
Are you hiding something from someone right now? Perhaps...Are you 18? 18 Plus
What is the wallpaper on your cellphone? a photo of my daughter smiling
Are you afraid of the dark? not really of the dark but of what happens sometimes in the dark
Favorite hangout: The Valletta Waterfront - we used to go there nearly everyday when I was pregnant
3 things you can't live without? My Baby, my baby, my baby
Favorite songs? best song is Ten Quidao by Mayte Martin, and Ana bkash Ana by an Arabic singer
What are you afraid of? being alone
Are you a giver or a taker? I am certainly a giver, sometimes people find my giving too comfortable and stick with taking from me.
What are your nicknames? La Farruca
What is your dad's middle name? Paul
What do you sleep in? I threw out my sexy lingerie, too many connotations with my husband, so now I sleep in ugly cotton pjs
Stuck on a deserted island, and can only bring one thing? My daughter.
Favorite TV commercial? don't have one
First thing you'll save in a fire?My daughter
What is your favorite color? Dark Brown
What are the things you always bring with you? clean nappies and measures of Aptamil formula powder
What did you want to be when you were a kid? a mother! I got my wish
What do you usually do when the alarm turns on? Can't afford one, don't need one
What color is your bedsheet? Purple
Who do you want to meet? The love of my life who will not be too complicated
What do you think about before you go to bed? my daughter, what my future brings...

Wednesday, October 11, 2006


You Are a Fortune Cookie
You're a rather normal person, except that you have extraordinary luck in life.People want to be around you (even when they're a little sick of you), in hopes of being lucky too!
What Kind of Cookie Are You?


I am thinking about...New Prospects for Mum's Business
I said...a lot of things I didn't mean
I want.. to turn back the hands of time
I wish... to have a good laugh
I miss... my husband
I grandparents talking in the kitchen
I wonder... what the judge will say
I regret... my anger
I dance... whenever I want to
I cry... often at the moment
I am not always... punctual
I write... on my blog
I need... a good back massage - my daughter is becoming so heavy it is breaking my back
I finish... everything at the last moment - princess of procrastination

I tag... everyone who is interested

Where Love has Gone

Your dark eyes flash with knowledge, as the smile that lights your full lips melt my heart. You shake off your suit jacket and loosen your tie.
I'm a new bride, shy to be alone with you for the first time. The embarrassement is causing my make up to melt.

You smile again and take a step closer to me, as you reach out and kiss me. My mauve lipstick is smeared, there's some on your chin.

The zipper of my dress catches, and I giggle anxiously, while finding the sense to kick off my gold high heeled shoes, and help you with the zipper.
I am now in my slip in front of you, and I don't know what to do, so I look up at you with head hanging down. You find that look endearing and kiss me passionately again.
This gives me greater courage, and I tug at your tie; pulling the shirt out of your trousers.

You look upon me with such love, and promise me that from tonight we won't spend one single night apart. We make love, sweet love, that though both of us are inexperienced and shy, we correctly interpret each other's every move and nuance.

And in the morning we wake up entwined. We do ghusl and pray Fajr together. Its the first time I'm spreading my sallaya behind yours; and our togetherness is even better solidified as we perform sajda together.

I know that nothing can drive us apart. We're one. we're soul mates. We were like ships in a storm and found the perfect harbour in each other. My heart is singing for joy as we go down to breakfast together. I'm so joyful I can't manage more than a few sips of freshly brewed coffee. Life is too sweet and fulfilling to need anything other than your love. You're my nutrition. You're the very food of my soul. And we smile trustingly at each other above our coffee cup.

I still love you, Ali. I still believe in us.

What went wrong?

My Friend Ayalguita

Ta say a big thank you.

You are so understanding, because you are going through the same thing.
Your pain is my pain; and you were willing to share my pain.

You've also given me a contact of a Spanish girl who is coming to Malta. I'm going to help her have a nice experience in her stay here.

You make everything fun, and I can't wait to meet you in Spain. Next summer I'm coming there with my baby and my mother. The two girls will love to play together, I'll enjoy flamenco, and later my little girl will enjoy some clean air in the Retiro and a cleaner sea atmosphere in Galicia.

Moving On

Life is Smiling again.

Sure ,everytime I go out and come back home, I'm always on the verge of shouting "Honey, I'm back!"
But even when we were together, I hardly ever shouted it to anyone - he was always going out, always finding an excuse to go out.
In the evenings it is sad that I'm alone watching TV instead of cuddling, talking and joking with someone I love - but wait - when was the last time we did that?
We had absolutely stopped having fun together.
Intimacy was a disgusting activity I had to put up with - like animals satisfying a need rather that two loving people sharing everything they have in the world.

My daughter is an infinite source of joy to me.
She's the happiest little baby around - talking "goo, ga, aya, boo, brrr" Her smiles are enough to melt the snow of antartica.

I've also started working from home in my mother's business, establishing new contacts. She imports toxin-free detergents and toiletries, and I'm in charge of establishing new contacts and expanding the business. It is fun. Most of it is done from home, so I still spend many hours in the company of my baby, and it is very interesting, I'm meeting new people, and sometimes I have a reason to put on a suit and go out.